A Little Girl, A Soldier, A Banana, And a Lesson in Character

by Mike Nitzel, Principal

Thomas Jefferson Elementary School 

Rock Island-Milan (IL) School District 41

Milan, IL

“Character is what we do when we think no one is looking.”—H. Jackson Browne, Jr.

Last week I went to my church’s Maundy Thursday service.  During the service, one of our pastors, Amanda Weinkauf, preached a sermon about love, certainly an appropriate subject for a Holy Week service and not an altogether surprising one.  Of course during her sermon there were the requisite Bible passages and psalms, certainly inspiring and moving but nothing unfamiliar or particularly surprising. What really grabbed my attention was a story nestled in the middle of her sermon.  The purpose of the story was to illustrate the power of God’s love and what it truly means to love another unconditionally, the way that God loves each one of us.  It was a story about a little girl in Afghanistan, an American soldier serving there and a piece of fruit.  However, as I ruminated on the story, I came to the conclusion that the story was as much about character as it was about love.  I’m a big fan of character education and I realized that the story would be a good one to share as an example of not only love but of character.  I’m going to do my best to recreate the story for you here.  I can’t promise that it’s a verbatim retelling of the story, but its essence is there.  Read on…

It seems that there was an American soldier serving in Afghanistan whose job it was along with the rest of his unit to provide food and water to the local people in one of the villages in their area of operation.  One day, this soldier was finishing up handing out the food and, as usual, the food was gone before everyone received a parcel.  This soldier and others in his unit promised to return the next day with more supplies, when suddenly his attention was drawn to a little girl who was standing alone off to the side of the road.  She had received no parcel and the soldier knew that she would receive no food until the next day at the earliest.  Clearly she was hungry, perhaps starving; there was no other reason for her to be there.  The soldier felt badly that he couldn’t help her; he felt badly that he hadn’t given this little girl a parcel when he had handed some out to adults.  He simply hadn’t seen her, standing alone, somewhat in the distance.  And now the food and water were gone. At that moment he remembered that he had put a banana in his rucksack should he need a snack at some point during the day.  Deciding that the little girl needed the banana more than he did, he walked up to the little girl, reached into his rucksack, and handed her the banana.  The little girl took the banana, gently and carefully peeled it, and then turned and walked away.  As the soldier watched, this little girl walked up to two boys, younger than she, both lying under a tree; they were apparently too weak to move.  The soldier hadn’t noticed the boys before, in the same way that he hadn’t noticed the little girl.  He watched as this hungry little girl took the peeled banana, broke it in half, and gave each of the little boys one half of the banana.  The little girl then proceeded to eat the peel. 

The soldier standing by the side of the road witnessed this.  And wept. 

This little girl gave freely.  She gave, without expecting anything in return.  She gave away the most important possession she had at that moment in her life. There’s much I don’t know about this story.  I don’t know if the little girl knew the little boys.  I don’t know if they were friends or enemies. What I do know is that a hungry little girl gave two hungrier little boys the only food she had and received nothing in return and expected nothing in return.  What I do know is that she shared more than a banana with those two boys that day.  She shared her love with them.  Unconditional and unfettered of expectations of something given in return, she gave them love. And in so doing, she demonstrated a remarkable character.

“Character is what we do when we think no one is looking.”

When discussing character with your students, perhaps this is a story that you could share and have a discussion with them.  I think they would relish a conversation around these questions--What would they do faced with the same situation? Would they eat the banana? Would they share the banana? What do their answers say about their character? 

What would you do?

As always, your comments and feedback are most appreciated.  And as always, thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to read this.  I really appreciate it!   

Four Rules for Difficult Conversations

by Mike Nitzel, Principal

Thomas Jefferson Elementary

Rock Island-Milan (IL) Dist. 41

Milan, IL 

Difficult conversations are a part of every leader’s responsibilities.  However, difficult conversations need not be confrontational and the goal every difficult conversation should be to enhance relationships and/or improve outcomes.  The following four rules can help you achieve these goals.

1)   Be cognizant of timing. Not every difficult conversation needs to be had immediately after a particular incident.  Sometimes time is needed, particularly if emotions are involved, to remove some of the emotion and allow cooler heads to prevail.  Your own professional judgment and knowledge of your staff will help you determine when to hold your conversation. 

2)   Be compassionately honest. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, brutal honesty is usually more brutal than it is honest.  Say what you have to day, but utilize your compassion.  To do otherwise will damage relationships in the long run.  Remember, people may not remember what you said or what you did but they’ll certainly remember how you made them feel.  This is never more important than in difficult conversations. And if you are confronted with emotion, meet it with reason.  Reason and compassion are not mutually exclusive.   

3)   Think Win-Win.  Stephen Covey is right on the money on this one.  When dealing with a difficult conversation, you’re usually dealing with a situation in which someone has not met your expectations or the expectations of your organization.  As a leader, it is your job to find common ground with those who work with you that will allow both parties to walk away with something in the win column.  Much of the time, people just want to be heard.  By giving them a respectful audience, you’ve provided them with a win.  You win when you get an agreement that they will respect your expectations or that of the organization.

4)   Walk away with common understandings. Ambiguity and uncertainly will do nothing but breed additional problems.  Come away from your difficult conversation by making sure that both of you understand what each can expect from the other.  As the leader, sometimes those understandings must be imposed by you.  But those are likely few and far between.  By reaching mutual understandings after a conflict, future problems can be minimized. 

These are just four overarching rules that I follow when dealing with difficult conversations.  I’m sure you have others.  I would love to hear them.  Please feel free to comment on this post and, as always, thank you for taking time out of your busy lives to read this.  I genuinely appreciate it.

Tips for a Great School Day Start

by Mike Nitzel, Principal

Thomas Jefferson Elementary School

Rock Island-Milan (IL) School Dist. 41

Milan, IL

Are mornings a struggle in your house?  Do you find it difficult to get the kids up and get everyone out the door on time?  Here are a few simple tips to help you get your kids—and you!—off to the best possible start to the school day.

1)      Prepare the night before. The start to your day actually begins the night before.  Make sure clothes are laid out, backpacks are packed and lunches are in the fridge and ready to go.  Get the kids to bed at a decent hour and help them get all of the sleep they need.  Here is a quick guide from WebMD regarding how much sleep the kids need:

Age 3-6: 10-12 hours per night

Age 7-12: 10-11 hours per night

Age 12-18: 9-10 hours per night

2)      Set a wake up time so that you’re not rushed.  What sets a better tone for the day, rushing around or being able to take your time and attend to what needs attending to?

3)      Eat breakfast.  It really is the most important meal of the day.  It fills the gas tank for the day.  Whether it’s at home or at school, save time to make sure the kids get a healthy breakfast.  My kids do well with proteins and whole grains.   

4)      Be positive.  No matter what last night brought, start your kids’ day with a hearty and heartfelt “Good morning!” and a smile!  Each new day is a blank canvas.  Treat it that way.  Let your kids know that you are counting on them to be their best at school that day and every day!

5)      Let your kids know that you’re going to think about them during the day.  Whether you tell them directly or leave them a note in their lunchbox or backpack, your kids love knowing that you’re thinking about them during the day.

6)      Ask your kids, “Is there anything I can do before you leave or I drop you off to help you have a great day?” This is a good way to be proactive and to deal with potential problems before they occur. 

7)      Dress appropriately for the weather, especially during cold weather.  I’ve seen some kids “snow” their parents (no pun intended) into letting them leave the winter coat at home.  They say things like, “I’m only going from the car to the front door” or “We’re not going out for recess today.”  Um, what about a fire drill or other emergency that might require them to leave the building?  Ask them to make sure they have a coat.  However, I would not get involved in a protracted war about the issue.  Natural consequences work wonders.  If they have to go outside for any length of time and it’s 20 degrees, they’ll quickly learn to take their coat from then on. 

8)      Dress appropriately for school.  Know your school’s dress code and abide by it.  It’s there for a reason. 

9)      Tell your kids you love them.  Make sure these are the last words your kids hear before you see them again at the end of the day.  It’s also a harsh reality that the last time you see someone could be the last time you ever see someone.  We don’t like to think about that but it’s an unfortunate fact in today’s world.  Make sure that what could be your last words are loving ones.  There’s peace of mind there.

These are just a few things that we have found through trial and error over the years to help us have a decent start to our school days in our house.  I’d be interested in hearing what you think.  Please leave a comment or two and as always, thanks for taking time out of your busy lives to read this.  I genuinely appreciate it! 

Tips for Creating Your Own Happy New Year

By Mike Nitzel, Principal

Thomas Jefferson Elementary School

Rock Island-Milan (IL) School District

Milan, Illinois 

At the beginning of every new year most of us are wished a Happy New Year.  Happy new years, however, don't just happen on wishes and dreams. Happiness takes work-24/7/365.  I don’t pretend to be any kind of expert on happiness nor do I have any big secrets to share with you. What I can share with you are several things that have worked for me that have helped me become a happier and more content person. Here they are.

Surround Yourself With Positive Energy—Nothing can drag you down more than being around what Spiro Agnew called those “nattering nabobs of negativism”. Stay away from them insofar as you can. Put yourself with positive people. They will lift you up. Twitter can be a great place to surround yourself with positive people; my PLN is proof of that! 

Choose Your Attitude—Let’s face it. In spite of your best efforts to avoid them, you’re going to find yourself surrounded by negative people from time to time. Remember that when you are, you have a choice as to how you react to them. You can allow yourself to be dragged down into negativity or you can make a conscious choice to stay above it and stay positive. Find something to think about that makes you smile. For example, when I’m starting to feel negative about this or that, I sometimes think about the song, “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from Monty Python’s, “The Life of Brian”. It always makes me smile.   

Forget Resolutions and Think Life Changes—The shelf life of resolutions is not very long, unless you’re willing to commit to changing your behavior. Think about “going on a diet”. If you approach losing weight as a diet, the very word implies that it’s temporary. If you really want to lose weight, you’ll determine to make a permanent change in the way you eat and you’ll increase the amount of exercise you do. You will need to make these things habits and habits usually take somewhere around 60 days to form. Once you’ve formed a habit, you’ve made a lifestyle change. True, you can slip back into old habits, but you’re less likely to do so if you view what you’ve done as a permanent change rather than a temporary one.

Determine to Learn Something New—Learning something new keeps your mind active and sharp. An active mind, engaged in an activity you want to do, makes for a happier mind. Maybe you want to learn more about Google Apps; get after it!  Perhaps, like me, you want to learn a new language. Let’s get going! I’m going to work on my Spanish. 

Set Time Aside for Yourself Each Day—Life is so frenzied these days, isn’t it?  It’s easy to find yourself buried under things that you have to do. It is important that you save time each day to do something you WANT to do.  You’re important and the things you want to do deserve your attention.  I reserve the time after 9:00 p.m. each day solely for things I want to do. Some nights I might read. Some nights I might write. Others I might watch TV.  Whatever the activity, it’s time set aside to do something I enjoy and to let my mind slow down a bit before I turn in for the night. 

End Your Day with Wins—We have a tendency to dwell on the negative.  How many times have you tried to go to sleep at night, only to have the negative things that happened in your day flood your mind? Instead, take 10 minutes before you go to sleep and think about all that went right during your day. It’s not meditation, exactly, but rather focused thought. It takes some practice to keep the negative thoughts at bay, but once you get the hang of it I’ve found that it really works. Give it a try! 

Get Plenty of Sleep—Sometimes this is easier said than done. I know. I’ve suffered from sleep onset insomnia for years. I would lie in bed for two or three hours before I could get to sleep. It’s awful. I’ve tried every medication in the book and while they worked initially, after a while they no longer did the trick. And I’m not wild about the side-effects of medication. I’ve found that changing my routines before I go to bed at night has been effective for me in terms of getting better sleep. Spending time at the end of the day doing things I want to do and thinking about my wins before I try to go to sleep have worked to put my mind in a more relaxed state and one that’s ready for sleep. Also, I rarely watch television or work on my computer in bed. The visuals can activate centers in the brain which can impede sleep. 

Healthy Eating and Exercise—I’m feeling like a bit of a hypocrite on this one because over the last couple of years I’ve begun to look more than a little like the Pillsbury Dough Boy. However, I’m going to do better starting immediately. I’m going to change the way I live and do a better job of eating and exercising. To help motivate me I’ve joined the #500in2014 challenge on Twitter; it’s a good support system and I find that goals are more attainable when you work alongside others. My goal is to run 250 miles and walk an additional 250 miles over the course of the year. Coupled with a change in my eating habits (sorry M&M’s), I’m hoping to drop 20 pounds and get back to a healthier weight. I may not run/walk 500 miles every year for the rest of my life, but I am going to establish and maintain healthy eating and exercise regimens that are realistic for me. 

Do Something for Someone Else Each Day—Doing something nice for someone else is the best way in the world to make you feel good. It doesn’t matter how small the effort might seem to you—a short note to someone saying you appreciate them, a treat dropped in a mailbox—these simple things can really work to lift someone’s spirits. It’s not about the “thing” the other person receives, it’s the simple gesture of letting someone know you’re thinking of them that counts.  And something else—whatever you do, do it anonymously and expect nothing in return. Try to do this once a day. 

Save Time for Personal/Professional Development Each Day—Spend some time reading, spend some time on Twitter, do something to grow personally and/or professionally. For example, I try to spend at least 30 minutes a day with my PLN on Twitter.  I ALWAYS learn something from my PLN every time I go on Twitter! 

There are so many other things that you could do to make a happy new year for yourself.  These are simply some of the things that have worked for me.  I would be very interested in hearing some of your ideas!  Please share a comment or two!  Thanks for taking time out of your busy lives to read this.  As always, I genuinely appreciate it!  Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!